The Law Firm

This summer has really seen the proliferation of bizarre reality shows: from that ballroom dancing competition combining B TV “personalities” with real performers, to reform camps where we get to see brat kids toughing it out in the wilderness to learn about respect (yeah, like fending off a bear will drive a point about respect) or to learn about being a Hilton all through to going to college with Tommy Lee (coming soon). When confronted with previews for these shows, I often wonder, what will they come up with next?

Well, my question has been quickly answered last night. Somewhere in between all these weird concepts was the Law Firm. As soon as I came home yesterday, my brother told me about this Apprentice-like show with lawyers. “It’s so you! You have to watch it so that you know what you are getting yourself into”, he said. As in “so you!” he actually meant, being gung-ho about rules and procedure or that I am known to maul anyone that will try to oppose me.

I haven’t seen many episodes of the Apprentice, but during the few minutes I actually watched it, all I saw were self-conscious people bickering about stupid business ideas.

Anyhoo, the Law Firm turned out exactly as expected: a carbon copy of the Apprentice but in a legal setting. Change the title of President and CEO for Managing Partner, the stupid business ideas for ludicrous claims, all down to the trademarked “You’re fired!” to “I have made a decision”. It’s exactly the same, even the kind of people participating is the same! They had the nice girls, the full-of-themselves, the supposedly quiet type as well as the overly aggressive male b*tch, or the equivalent of the Apprentice’s Omorosa (heard she was pretty nasty).

In yesterday’s episode there were 2 cases presented to the would-be legal eagles:

1) A woman’s three-legged dog (I am NOT making this up) got mauled by her neighbour’s 2 menacing and massive dogs. She is suing her neighbour for damages or to get them put to sleep. The neighbour claims that it was her dog that ventured in his yard and that his dogs were adequately fenced in and the negligence was on her part.

2) A county coroner used his flashing lights to pull over a woman to warn her that she was speeding. Unlike a policeman, a coroner does not have the authority to stop people. Since she saw red and blue lights, she stopped and complied. After seeing him at a restaurant later and learned about his real position, she is suing him for impersonation that has caused her mental distress and anguish to the point she had to consult. The coroner, on the other hand, claims that he was only exercising his civic duty and wanted to protect her from a possible accident.

It was funny to see these suit-clad serious types working hard on defending the interest of a 3-legged dog. The team defending it even brought the dog to the courtroom! For both cases, they went through the whole weepy opening arguments to dramatic closing argument. In between, we were witness to many flare-ups, blow-ups and backstabbing among team members.

I work in a law department and a team approach is paramount. I guess that with $250,000 in play, team spirit is quickly forgotten. I am left to wonder: if these people were indeed very good lawyers, where success = $$$, why would they need to embarrass themselves in this contest? But then again, these are ambulance chasers… how much money can one make basing a career on defending (nut)cases like these?

Of course, this being a reality show, people need to get booted off; 2 of them did get kicked off and will now try to milk and stretch their 5 seconds of fame. So, look out for Kelly and another dude.

I must admit that it was just what it was supposed to be: entertaining. The Americans are good at that, being entertaining in all aspects of their society, even in the courtroom. After watching this, I guess that this gives any legal drama show freak the impression that they too can become a lawyer… Since this is from the same producers as Ally McBeal and L.A. Law…hum, maybe they simply just couldn’t afford actors…

Here’s a reality check: after seeing that show, it just confirms that I do not want to become a civil, criminal or any other form of people litigator. I don’t think I would have the patience to deal with that kind of bs. Unlike what my brother thinks, I doubt that my future workplace will be similar: contracts and business litigations rarely bring up that level of emotion...at least, I hope not!